| i don't know what i think or feel all the time but i really just wish i could tell you things sometimes without you saying anything back or thinking into it. i don't know what's been wrong lately but it's just not going away as fast as i want it to. even right now i don't know what it is i want to say but i know there's something i need to say. i just feel like sometimes i can't get away from your emotions. it hurts me so much to know that something i did or said made you sad but at the same time, i just want to tell you to get over it like i do almost every time i get frustrated about something. with that statement i have to say that i have to swallow all of that displeasure because i know exactly how you will react and it makes me so pissed when i think about how much of my feelings and my wants and even my needs that i've put on the backburner for you... for us. i am happy but more so not happy. and it's not because of us it's just a general feeling of my life not being as simple and relaxed and dare i say good as it used to be. and i don't want to make it sound like my life is horrible, compared to most, it's pretty freaking good, it's just that emotionally it's fallen apart a bit for me. i really don't have any incredibly close friends, the ones i would tell anything to i don't get to talk to or i feel like they just don't give a damn anymore. and while i can tell you anything i can't tell you everything. and whether you like it or not, that's just the way it is. beyond the support i need feeling. i need more than flirting over the phone and i need more than love sometimes, sometimes i just need a fucking hug. when i feel like shit like i have i just need a hug, and honestly i have no one here that understands that, and sometimes i feel like even if you were here you wouldn't completely understand that either. because all you want to do is fix it. and you can't fix it, any of it really. and now i'm just getting to the point where i want to say so many more things but i just can't get them all straight right now. so i'll shut up. that's really what i need to keep doing anyway. |
| |
| i just got ungrounded yesterday (again) and these next two weekends are going to be awesome!! |
| |
| if when even you screw up, it leads to something amazing?? i don't know whether or not it's true but i suppose i'll find out sooner or later. |
| |
| - Tardes Negrasso i got ungrounded today... and i'm pretty sure sean's pissed at me because he didn't answer his phone and he hasn't called back yet. : ( i don't blame him. it's been my fault the last three times we couldn't talk. idk i just feel very worried right now. hopefully he'll call later or tomarrow or something. idk. anyways. i get paid tomarrow... yay... idk that seems to be the only thing going for me at the moment but oh well. i just wish that i knew how he was. hell, i wish alot of things right now but i know they won't happen. |
| |
